It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We left the knife in your bed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
