how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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