I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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