i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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