is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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