actually, I'm a sock model
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
