Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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