What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
