...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
