I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
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Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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