ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
