So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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