apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
