I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
