Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
