My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
