How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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