If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
