But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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