How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
