The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize