Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
