So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
