i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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