the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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