I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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