i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
