you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
