So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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