Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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