question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
