We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
