remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
