Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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