Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
