We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
