She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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