apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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