the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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