If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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