he told me I talked like a deaf person
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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