After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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