Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
