just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize