picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
