woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
