right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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