My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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