Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
