Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
