So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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