bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
