Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
