What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
