I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
