I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
