I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
