I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
