Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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