remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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