Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
