I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
