Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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