So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
