Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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